all kinds of days

Today is one of those perfect days. Warm in the sun but cool in the shade. Clear skies. A breeze. It's the kind of day that obligates you to be happy. All else, any other trivial problem, pales in comparison to the beauty of this kind of day.

I'm finally real!

Last week was a good week. Fernando picked me up from work and said we were going out to dinner because he had something to tell me. Knowing him, I figured it must be some kind of game, whatever supposed secret or news just a means of having a worthy excuse to go out to a nice dinner together. We ordered a bottle of wine and Fernando pulled a folded piece of paper out of his chest pocket. I took it and unfolded it gently in two strokes, holding my breath. It was a full page of type. Teeny, tiny fine print. Amongst the rows and rows of small lettering, my name, highlighted, followed by a number. As my dear friend Jess said upon hearing the news, I am officially, as of September 30th, official! Among the things I am now entitled to as a Permanent Resident of Brazil: having a bank account, traveling freely in and out of the country, working, buying land. All in all, not being a total ghost, but instead a legally recognized individual. My eyes welled over with sweet relief after nearly a year in waiting. I can certainly toast to that.

Sunday was election day. In this part of the country, most had hoped for a different outcome. The huge majority here in Sao Paulo had been holding their breath that the tides would change. It was interesting, as an American, to watch an election where every vote counts... It makes the results all the more striking. The tightest race since 1989, Dilma won by a majority of 1.64%, or 3,459,963 votes, in a country with a population of 200 million. Now, to put this in real perspective: 5,219,787 people voted NULL. They could have swayed the whole election! A record 30,137,479 people abstained from the vote this year, despite the obligation, in protest of both candidates.

In São Paulo state, the capital of which (Sao Paulo city) accounts for the largest chunk (20%) of the country's total GDP, 10% of the country's total population, and also employs more people than any other locale in the country, Aécio took 64.3% of the vote. 

On the other hand, the 40% of Brazilians across the country whose households (not individuals, entire households, people!) bring in under $700 a month (!!!), voted overwhelmingly for Dilma.

Don't we have the same two sides in America? It's the ultimate question of modern economics. Trickle down or bottom up? I feel torn. But one thing I know for sure is this: Brazil isn't doing well, not even here in the economic center. We feel it daily when we buy food at the supermarket or ride congested buses and trains. The stark inequality here makes me feel for that 40%. But what they need are jobs. Good jobs, well-paying jobs. They need a decent, public education in order to get those jobs. The economy needs to grow. Cities around the country must become more attractive for businesses and educated job-seekers. Life in general needs to become more affordable. Transportation networks need to be fixed, improved, or put in place altogether. I may not have a say in their elections, but I nonetheless want the best for my adopted country. I want to see Brazil wield its massive potential.

The Dramamine Effect.

Eros on drugs (just dramamine!), asleep on my shoulder.

We heard the news of who won while on the road, driving home from Floripa. We stopped to get gas and to glance at the TV. I've never been on the road during a presidential election in America, but I just can't imagine road trippers and truckers and gas pump attendants crowded around a rest stop TV to hear the results.

Sampa is overtaken this week by disappointment and fear of what the next 4 years will look like, and those wanting to jump ship, Fernando and I included. In a time when you have access to the entire world, be it by the internet or air travel, the "grass is greener" syndrome is viral. (And especially acute in a developing country.) We discuss almost daily where we might have a higher quality of life--Brazil or the States. The jury is still out. But on a perfect sunny, breezy day such as this, it's hard to picture us waking up happier anywhere else. Ok, maybe jusssst if I could see the ocean from my bedroom window...

belated first thoughts

well, september 20th was my 2 year anniversary of living here in são paulo. 2 years, and not one word posted about it. until now, that is.

i can't claim i've had "writer's block." my mind is always teeming with things to put down in writing, things to say. i think, truthfully, i've been a little lost. i am being reborn here, and i suppose that only now, after two years, have i become a toddler of my new self, who is just learning how to speak.

it's been a fierce and swift two years. in short: i arrived, i confirmed my love and desire for fernando, i got a job, we began to make a life together, "i" became "we"--officially, we've tried to explore as much as possible within our driving radius, we've visited "home" (my home, the big apple, that is) just a few times, many of my dearest friends and none of my family have visited us, we got a dog--a tirelessly spirited honey-colored furry fellow whom we call eros, i struggle to relate to fernando's two teenage daughters, we cook and eat and drink and just generally soak up every ounce of felicity available to us as we try to envisage where we are headed in this one shot at existence that we each get. ya know, basically just like everyone else.

it's hard, though. são paulo is hard. the joke is, paulistanos work as hard as americans. haha. (only those of you who live or have lived here and there will get that.) i left the rat race... yep, for another, less state-of-the-art rat race. for now, anyway. são paulo is a city of the first degree. it is colossal. it is bustling. it bears the weight of the country's economy on its shoulders. it is dirty, and congested, and full of all the various feathers of humanity. within it too, are a myriad of restaurants, bars, museums, galleries, and theatres to fill your heart to its cultural content. without it, an hour and half (yes, it takes that long to escape sampa's folds) in any direction from the center: green. green of all shades. green that ascends then cascades, that stretches out flat, and rolls, and, ultimately, fades into blue.

all this to say...it's been as prodigious as it has been jarring. living here has made me more sure of my choices and less sure of myself than any other experience of my life. i'll have to explain that better later, for now i just wanted to reintroduce myself. brazil is stunning--in all the positive and negative senses of the word. it takes my breath away at least once daily. now that i've broken my silence, i will let you in on that awakening, little piece by little piece.

so, to myself, happy two years! and to all ye fellow wanderers, rolling stones, and nomads, cheers to the perpetual rebirth of all those who find themselves over and over again in new surroundings. 

back with more soon...

-lauren indiana

me, at the edge of my world. {ubatuba, brazil}